JOURNEY OF LIFE

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Sometimes I need a good scream!

I love Bainbridge Island but sometimes I just like to sit on the ferry and ride it back and forth. It somehow calms me and gives me time to think and write everything that’s on my heart. There has been a lot of things on my heart. Ever since last night I think it’s time to reflect my relationships. Lately my freshmen year roommate has been on my mine frequently. I miss all those morning on the weekend where we would have conversations that last for hours and hours in each other’s bed. I miss praying with her, grabbing coffee before class, go running with her. I miss her encouragements, she’s such a woman of prayer and faith. I miss hanging out with her. She’s the best friend that I always dreamed of having. Another person that keeps coming to mind is my best friend Amy is the sister girls would die for! No matter how hard life gets she never let me give up and always remind s me to be still and know that he is in control. She pushes me harder then anyone I know in my life.I love that she’s so real and she’ll say it like it is. She is one of the hardest worker I know. She’s a full time student and she’s working to pay her way through college. She has a crazy inspiring story. It doesn’t take a lot for us to have fun. We laugh, cry, and know everything about each other. I am so blessed to have her in my life. I love her very much!!! Looking back on the last four years I do have to say that I’m happy it turned out the way it did otherwise I would have never met so many great people who are in my life at the moment. Last night I was kind of rough… I kept asking God the what if’s and even throughout today that question was still going through my mind.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 “there is a time for everything, and a reason for every activity under heaven”
Jeremiah 29:11 “for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Then in Psalms 139; it speaks about how God knows everything about and that he’s with you everywhere you go. With Jesus I can do do all things and only he can prosper my life for good. Only he knows my deeps desires and it says in Psalms 37:4 “delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” I’m going to press forward and be at peace with the decisions that I’ve made. I’m living with no regrets. I can only do all these things through Christ who will strengthen me. For he is strong in my weakness. I’m so blessed that Daniel is apart of my life. For if it wasn’t for him I would of never realized how much this one moment of regret fullness had such a hold on my life. I thank God each day for you Daniel James! Sorry for venting but I really needed to see all this on the table. God is so great and has been so faithful in my life therefore I’m will trust him even before anything makes sense cause he’s more then enough for me.

I can’t stop thinking about. The what if’s… What if I had gone through with my original plan? What would my life have look like? What would I be doing now? The thought of what if’s can drive one crazy. I am great full for where I am now and the life that I get to live but once in a while this thought crosses my mind. After having to explain to someone last night about one of my biggest regret I seem to have not yet let go, I really can get it out of my mind. Jesus please help.

Tonight I can’t seem to fall asleep. There’s a lot on my mind and it’s causing me to revisit memories that I had shoved in a box and hid in my closet for years. I do wish I had gone. I really need sleep right now.